


Realization

by Sloane13



Series: I've Been Thinking About You [4]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Obsessive thoughts, sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 22:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12118212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sloane13/pseuds/Sloane13
Summary: While pondering her favorite obsession, Professor Granger arrives at a realization that changes everything.





	Realization

**Author's Note:**

> More from this little world of SS/HG that lives in my head.

Obsession. She supposed a mind such as hers would be drawn to the unique enigma that was Headmaster Severus Snape. Her mind, so used to solving arcane riddles, making impossible connections, worrying over a thousand details at once, absorbing all of the knowledge in the world...well, it was a bit underused at Hogwarts. Yes, she was challenged by teaching and inspiring the next generation - and how important they were now that Voldemort was gone and a divided, traumatized wizarding society needed to heal. She understood her role not only as a teacher but as an example of everything a muggle born witch could be. Paired with a half-blood Headmaster, they were a powerful symbol of the new status quo and the ideal future of Wizarding Britain. (She must not think in terms of being "paired" with him or a "future" with him, it only fueled her obsession.)

So, why did an avid, independent, strong mind like hers latch on to the Headmaster? Why did it worry over his every utterance and action as if it were a great mystery to be solved? As if it were as vital to her survival as any action she'd taken in the war? She supposed a mind such as hers wasn't being stimulated enough in rural Scotland surrounded by adolescents and few adults. (Stimulation wasn't the right word - she felt rather stimulated a lot lately and wasn't that the heart of the problem?)

But, back to the matter at hand, obsession. She was clearly obsessed with him and she abhorred the lack of control she had over herself in this matter as much as she thrilled to thoughts of him and the reality of living in his orbit. She simultaneously wanted to overcome this weakness and revel in thoughts of his eyes, his touch, his decadent voice and the seductive feel of his magic. The strength of which stunned her daily. Could it possibly be increasing? Maybe his kinship with the castle formed some symbiotic relationship in which they fed and grew off one another. She could feel it. Of course the castle was sentient, she'd known this since she was a child. But, the playful warmth she perceived as a student had shifted to a heady feeling of always being watched, protected and assisted. And the magic of the castle felt like an extension of his magic, it soothed and ignited her leaving her in a constant hum of contentment and anticipation. Or perhaps this was just wishful thinking.

Were these perceptions of hers based on reality or were they only the product of her obsession? It seemed so mundane to think of herself as just another woman wrapped up in the lure of a man. Was it the challenge of trying to ensnare the most powerful wizard she knew and bend him to her will? She was, after all, a woman. Strongly attracted to a man. Why should it be weakness to have these feelings? Yet, she did feel weak, or rather helpless. Inconsequential and small when faced with the enormity of all that he was. Of the possibility of what they could be together. Just the thought of it sent a jolt of pure pleasure through her being. 

When had she become such a sensual creature? It was as if at the age of 26 she had finally come into the fullness of her womanhood. Was it an abnormal adolescence filled with danger and intrigue that had left her sexual side to hibernate until finally ignited by him? She'd had relationships before - well, a few - but she'd begun to think of herself as a person "above" physical cravings for another. Past physical encounters had been...pleasant, she supposed, but perfunctory at best. She truly hadn't understand what all of the fuss was about. That belief had changed in a heartbeat and she had been transformed as if on an atomic level, rearranged into a new version of herself.

\-----------

When she received the letter from Minerva inquiring as to her plans after university, she had been intrigued. She knew her mentor had an ulterior motive. Hogwarts? After a back and forth correspondence discussing her hopes for a future career, Minerva had convinced her to visit the school with the idea of applying for a professorship there. She had to admit to some excitement at the prospect. The proposed position would have her teaching  
Muggle Studies in any way she saw fit. Her mind raced with the possibilities of creating an as yet unheard of curriculum, groundbreaking in this traditional world where she could mold the minds of Britain's young and awaken them to the brilliance of merging the best of these two cultures. The applications were endless: science, art, philosophy. Her mind raced down a path of discovery and transformation. By the time she visited the school, she was fully convinced and couldn't imagine any other course. That's when the fear set in. She knew what she wanted to do now but it wasn't guaranteed, she wasn't the only applicant, and there was a rather large obstacle to her goal, Headmaster Snape. 

His regaining of the role of Headmaster had not been a popular choice at first. In fact, it was no choice at all. The castle had closed the headmaster's office to everyone but him. It's magic resisted anyone not named Severus Snape and she'd heard tales of how certain reluctant members of the Board of Trustees were practically bullied by the castle until the former spy was summoned to a full meeting and the building had seemed to breathe a sigh of relief so palpable that all in attendance were swayed knowing they could not fight the power of this ancient force. Ultimately, it chose its leader and it insisted on Severus Snape. Minerva had informed her that he was initially reluctant to return and had to be cajoled into returning to the premises with promises that any decision he made would be final and absolute. But, once he set foot on the grounds and entered the doors, it was as if a veil had lifted from both the man and the school. Previously locked doors sprang open, dark corners filled with light, and the taciturn man had seemed to feel a lightness in his heart and a more relaxed expression appeared on his face never to fully disappear. After the administration and trustees of Hogwarts saw and, more importantly, felt this revelation, there was no longer a question. The Headmaster and the castle had found one another again and would not be separated.

As she made her way to his office to interview, she worried that his past perceptions and interactions with her would color his opinion. The closer she came to the gargoyle, the more certain she was that he was only seeing her as a favor to Minerva and after a rote discussion, she would be dismissed and later sent an owl thanking her for her time but informing her another candidate had been chosen. After all, why would he want a reminder of the Golden Trio in residence? She'd always been respectful and had, of course, revived him in the Shreiking Shack, but if she were in his position, would she want such a person under her charge? A constant remembrance of exactly what he must be trying to put behind him. And, he'd never been a fan of her two best friends, not that she could blame him. For these reasons and out of respect for all the man had done to save their world, she had kept her distance after leaving him in the capable hands of the Healers at St. Mungo's. She'd begun trying to rebuild a "normal" life after the absolute chaos of seven years. She had finally begun the journey of knowing herself after years of worrying and caring for others. It had been easy, hard, challenging and fulfilling but now she was back here where it all began and she suddenly felt as if she'd regressed to a First Year. She took a few deep breaths, reminded herself that those years were over and she was an accomplished witch that any employer would be lucky to have and said the password to enter his office. Amortentia. Not for the first time she thought how unlikely that password was for his office. But now was not the time to be side-tracked as she entered his domain.

Her first reaction upon entering was interesting: a quiet confidence that the position was hers should she want it and a sense of something delicious unfurling within her. She felt more awake than she'd ever been while her blood felt thick and heavy. 

"Miss Granger, welcome back." 

That was all it took to send her body into sensation overload. Her eyes devoured his person, the casual grace with which he sat draped in immaculate black robes that would look dour upon any other person. Her ears suddenly remembered the power of that singular voice. How had she forgotten the beauty it held? Had it always been this visceral and overwhelming? Her entire being was overcome with the feel of his magic, his aura. It wiped her mind completely clean for a moment as she lost herself in the rightness and enormity of it. Her own magic seemed to shift and morph to accommodate his. 

"Miss Granger?" She was startled to realize that she was standing still with her eyes closed and her mouth slightly parted as she took in these new sensations. His question brought her back to reality, of how she must look to him in this moment: a silly child as dreamy as Luna Lovegood ever was. Not the ideal candidate for this position and she now knew it had to be hers. This was where she belonged and a fierce determination to convince him of this fact was what moved her forward to his desk as she replied, "Thank you, Headmaster. It is truly wonderful to be back." She was impressed that she sounded so professional and detached when she felt anything but.

"I'm glad you feel that way. Please sit and let us discuss your ideas regarding the Muggle Studies opportunity." He said this without a sneer or any indication that he meant anything other than what he said. With a now necessary goal to attain, she began conversing with him about the future of Hogwarts, the position, her qualifications, his thoughts on the subject, etc. She felt powerful and electric, engaged as she hadn't been in years. Her only nagging concern was the bright blush covering her face. It stayed firmly in place during the interview and she vaguely hoped he would think she'd recently taken too much sun.

___________

That's how it had begun. That's how she truly met him though she had known him over half her life. The more she was exposed to him, the more she realized she knew almost nothing of the man, only his past actions. This was not the totality of the man, to her it was not a fraction of all he seemed to hold within. And so her thoughts had begun to turn to him when not engaged in scholarly pursuits. She considered the mystery of him relentlessly and worked it like a jagged stone needing to be smoothed. She could have dismissed this as a purely academic exercise if not for the reactions of her body. It was as if she were in the throws of puberty with estrogen suddenly roaring through her being setting off reactions she didn't know she was capable of. The strange connection between the observed movement of his hands and the instantaneous hardening of her nipples. Direct eye contact with him released a strong pulse between her legs as if her heart had suddenly relocated itself. And that voice. Mealtimes and staff meetings were the most wonderful torture in which she seemed to ride a wave controlled purely by the cadence of his conversation. A light teasing of someone produced a bubbling in her bones, a mild reprimand of a student stopped her breath completely for a moment only for her lungs to restart with small pants. She felt lightheaded at a chuckle and once almost reached a small orgasm from a full-throated laugh. She'd been forced to excuse herself from the head table that time to relieve herself and the considering look he gave her as she departed led her to the quickest release of her life.

While this emotional and physical awakening was exciting on its own, she was growing impatient for more. More of what, she didn't know. The strength of her emotion seemed puerile in comparison to his controlled manner and air of untouchability. She wanted to touch him in all ways: his mind, his heart, his body. She wanted him revealed to her in every sense. The inner workings of his mind, his secrets, likes, dislikes, the smell of him, the feel of his skin, what exactly was wrapped up in his dark-robed, graceful package. But, how to get there? How to jump the void between casual acquaintance to complete intoxication of one another? She wanted that so badly yet she could not see a path to that most desired outcome. 

And if there was no growth beyond their current relationship, then she was simply obsessed. What was the point of wasting away and pining for something that would not be? Yet, she couldn't find it within herself to think of how to make a break yet. Though it was a torment, she craved it still. Though it felt reductive, she could not imagine removing herself from this place. What could ever fill the void his absence would leave. It hurt to even consider.

What to do then? How to reshape the present to gain the future she wanted? With him, as his true confidant, lifetime partners supporting one another in all things. Inspiring one another to greater heights. Challenging each other. Unleashing this pent up passion until it abated, if that were even possible. It felt limitless. How to begin such a momentous undertaking.

So, obsession. Yes, she was clearly obsessed with the man. More than that, she was in love. And with that realization something clicked. She was finally a woman truly in love. A lightness of being and a lifting of some great burden settled upon her and she felt a peace she had not felt since she'd lived within these walls. The air smelled different now and her head felt cleared. A road to fruition was beginning to form in her mind. Best to let it work subconsciously while she enjoyed the moment. As she stilled her mind and drifted, there a came a gentle tapping at her door. She didn't even feel annoyed at this interruption as she walked to greet her unknown visitor. And there upon her threshold stood the man himself, an almost uncertain look on his face as he regarded her. The calmness she had recently attained surprisingly stayed with her and she waited for him to speak.

"Professor Granger, may I come in? I feel there is something we need to discuss." Was that a hesitancy she sensed in his voice? Though his words could be interpreted as ominous she felt a spike of surety. Yes, there were things they needed to discuss. Things they needed to do and time was too precious to waste any longer. With a bold conviction she'd not known she possessed, she replied, "Come in, I've been expecting you, Severus."

**Author's Note:**

> As a first time writer, I relish any feedback you feel inclined to leave. Thank you in advance!


End file.
